Jumbled Mess

So this post is going to be a complete jumbled mess...kinda like I feel right now.  So prepare yourself...

I have never been in love.  Until recently, I never had anyone I would have called a boyfriend.  Having a boyfriend was wonderful.  There was someone always there, someone who wanted to spend time with me. 

I can honestly say that it is possible to be heart broken without having fallen in love.  Heartbroken over what could have been.  Heartbroken over time spent together.  Heartbroken over the end of something of comfort and belonging.  Right now I am heartbroken. 

Despite seeing signs that something wasn't right, break ups still are not a fun thing to go through.  Having never been through one of these, I am completely lost trying to figure out what to do, how to feel, how to act, how to stop crying over what I knew was not meant to be.  I feel so lost.

Luckily I DO know that it just wasn't right and now I have the opportunity to truly trust in the Lord.  It is easy to get frustrated because things don't happen when I want them to or how I want them to.  It would be so easy to get mad, but I know the Lord loves me and He knows what I need way better than I ever could.  I know that one day I will find the most amazing guy who will treat me way better than any other guy ever has.  I don't doubt it will happen. I just need to trust the Lord that his timetable is better than mine. Easier said then done, but I'm working on it and right now that's good enough for me!

It is crazy the things you can learn about yourself when in relationships, when they fail, and when they work (I assume).  This is definitely a situation I have learned from and I am better prepared for when I do find my E.C. whenever that may be. The sadness I feel now will only make my future happiness that much better.

All day I have been thinking about the song This by Darius Rucker.  These are the lyrics that have given me needed perspective. 

For every stoplight I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went too far
All the girls that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to this

Like the girl that I loved in high school
Who said she could do better
Or the college I wanted to go to
Till I got that letter
All the fights and the tears and the heartache
I thought I'd never get through
And the moment I almost gave up
All led me here to you
I didn't understand it way back when
But sittin' here right now
It all makes perfect sense

 

 Those who truly know me know that I love the quotes of others because they can say things so much better than I ever could.  So, I want to end with 2 quotes.

 

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life."

Boyd K. Packer 

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
--Joseph B. Wirthlin

 

I hope yall's Labor Day weekend was better than mine :) Thanks for reading my crazy vent session!